BREAKING DOWN THE BEN VIDEO

The Zapruder film is 26.6 seconds. The new video posted on Twitter by Ben Roethlisberger is 39 seconds.

History, as always, will make do.

In Ben’s video, he throws a football and gets a haircut (beard trim included). JuJu Smith-Schuster hypes Ben and not himself, which is the most unusual thing to occur. A ballboy catches passes. Using enhancement and freeze-frame, the “ballboy” proves to be Ryan Switzer. James Conner participates, and doesn’t get hurt. That’s the second-most unusual thing to occur (MRI pending). The video is almost mythical.

The haircut was illegal. Allegheny County is in the yellow phase. The barbershop in question has been filled with sand.

Ben’s arm appears to be at 78% capacity. Not bad for this stage of his rehab.

Ben’s hair is 93%. The new beard is 100%. Anything is better than the old beard. It really did add 40 pounds.

Switzer is still short, unless the camera subtracts eight inches. (Hey now!)

Ben appears to be in the best shape of his life, not unlike Mario.

Based on the video, I expect Ben to throw for 4,263 yards, 40 touchdowns and five interceptions. He will tack on 167 rushing yards because his head is now streamlined. The Steelers will go 12-4.

Isn’t it nuts that we’re making so much fuss about a 39-second video?

But we have to. He’s Ben, and this is Pittsburgh. I felt obligated to talk about it every 5-6 minutes on yesterday’s show, like it was a severe weather warning.

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