Today is National Cereal Day. I’m old, so I eat “sensible” cereals like Cheerios or Raisin Bran (although the latter contains a shocking 19 grams of sugar per cup).

But for kids, you want a cereal loaded with sugar. I want a six-year-old to get a buzz like he just swallowed a few spoonfuls of cocaine. I want Tony Montana to sell it. I want Eric Clapton to sing about it. I want Motley Crue to crush it, then snort it.

The best option seems like Kellogg’s Honey Smacks.

The internet (which is never wrong) says Honey Smacks is 55.6 percent sugar. There’s more sugar in one cup of Honey Smacks than there is in a Twinkie. That’s as God intended.

You can’t beat cereal commercials. Honey Smacks’ traditional mascot is Dig’em the frog, who is portrayed as being wildly addicted to Honey Smacks, hence the parallel to krell. Wally the bear replaced Dig’Em for several years. Wally is thought to have OD’d.

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