A remake of “Road House” premieres March 21 on Amazon Prime. No point having original ideas when you can recycle. 

Jake Gyllenhaal stars as Elwood Dalton, the Patrick Swayze character. (We finally know his first name.) Not nearly as Zen, judging by the trailer. He’s funnier, though. 

UFC legend Conor McGregor is the heavy, the equivalent to Jimmy in the original but apparently with an expanded role. If the trailer is any indication, McGregor's character has zero subtlety. Loud, louder, loudest. (He should get a mid-day talk show on ESPN.)

Isn’t McGregor old news? This would have been better done during his cage-fighting prime. McGregor has mostly disappeared, like Ronda Rousey.

The doctor character isn’t as hot. 

The Brad Wesley character (Ben Gazzara in the original) doesn’t seem as prominent. 

Wesley got a bum rap. He brought the mall, 7-Eleven, Fotomat and J.C. Penney to town. You ask anybody, they’ll tell you. 

I’m not sure there is a Wade Garrett character. (Sam Elliott in the original.)

I don't see a Terry Funk character. That's good. He can't be imitated or replaced. "Mind your own business, dad."

I don't see a Tinker. The fat thug. I should have played Tinker. A polar bear could fall on me.

That’s a lot to conclude from one trailer, I know. Watch it below and judge for yourself. 

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