Oneil Cruz can't play baseball.
But he's good at stuff like Home Run Derby.
Cruz is like Happy Gilmore before he learned to putt.
Cruz lost in the semifinals of Monday's Home Run Derby at Atlanta.
But Cruz had the longest home run at 513 feet.
Cruz had the hardest-hit home run at 118 mph.
Cruz had nine home runs of at least 475 feet.
Cruz popped the crowd more than anybody.
But Cruz can't hit major-league pitching consistently. He's batting .212 on the season, .134 against lefties.
Cruz was the only participant in Home Run Derby that didn't make the All-Star Game.
Cruz is a sideshow.
Cruz is a Savannah Banana.
Cruz is the Statcast champion.
He's great at hitting lobbed baseballs a far distance.
But now it's back to MLB and reality.
Cruz is on pace to strike out 221 times.
Oooh. Ahhh.
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