Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio


World's Largest Hairball - ATS - 4.2.24

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

Well, it's Tuesday and yeah, that's all that really needs to be said about today. If you still need further reassurement that today sucks, just take a look out the window and know this gray day's hellscape is what we should expect for the rest of the week. However, it's not all bad because it being Tuesday means we are one step closer to the weekend and you have this mess of a show to help ease the burden of existing in blahtopia. With that established, Angi presented us with a dumb question of the day (thank you Reddit!) Let's assume your non dominant hand has been replaced by a robot hand (so for most people, their left hand,) what of the below gadgets would you want added to it?

- A built-in flashlight (I said flashlight!)

- A smartphone with touch screen tech

- Screwdriver fingertips

- Wolverine claws

- Super strong grip (eyes emoji)

Weirdly (see: not at all surprising,) 46% of the people who answered the poll picked the grip. Another 20% went with the smartphone built in. While each of these has their valid usage, we just had to go around the room and see what the studio crew would pick. Angi wants a corkscrew or bottle opener built into hers because anything that makes the wine get in her faster is essential. She doesn't need a cup holder though (because she just chugs the bottle like an adult and doesn't leave a drop behind.) Marris wants a video game controller built in so he can be a real gamer. It would have to be PS5 compatible though. Prison Tattoo would put an ashtray in his which just sounds so boring. HP, well, she went down the interesting route. HP wanted a hook because even though there's all this technology being offered, she wants to be a pirate for some reason. Actually, serial killer seems more fitting of a hook even though she "suggested" she would use it to open yogurts and Capri Sun since the straws never work. All we know is that we need to wear glasses around HP (to dodge the hook) and we should never ever piss her off (does iHeart do background checks?) Basically, every girl should have some kind of weapon on her left hand. Angi wised up and pointed out that HP is more than likely going to slit throats and backstab people. Before I cap this stupidity, I wanted to add that if I'm getting a replacement hand, I want mine to dispense Captain Morgan White because that means I won't have to carry a handle around with me everywhere and I can achieve alcoholism level 8.

Other Stuff from Today's Show:

So, on top of today just being a weird, silly day that involved plenty of Reddit, we also had two very different (with somewhat similar outcome chances) animal stories. The first involved a girlfriend who called her boyfriend weird for never having been within ten feet of ... a cow. Filed on the No Stupid Questions subReddit, the guy explained he told his girlfriend this and she basically labeled him as a weirdo. While some agreed with her stance, he explained that he had seen them in fields but never actually approached one. He also put up a poll and 90% of the respondents had said they had been within proximity of a cow. There was an edit tossed into the poll to showcase that he meant live cows and not the ones you find at the local butcher (boy, people are clever.) Obviously, this meant we polled the room and each gave a yes before deep diving into Angi's love of cows and a Marris warning. Here's the thing though, as much as Angi loves cows and wants people out there hugging and kissing them, you probably shouldn't do that. This is because the other day it was announced a man caught bird flu from being in close contact with a cow. Our crack team of scientists wondered how cows get bird flu as it was thought that they only had mad cow disease (I wonder if IQ points lower listening to this show daily?) Aside from the obvious chance of accidentally starting a pandemic because you couldn't resist planting a wet one on Ol' Betsy, Marris added another danger. Cows can kill you with their kick. He didn't mean the Chicago fire but an actual blunt force hooved jab into you because you were screwing around and found out. They apparently go rogue sometimes and murder you. That's right, Marris is suggesting that cows are sweet, emotional ... and DEADLY! So, consider all this before accepting Angi's parting words of advice which was to go hug a cow today.

It's funny that the next topic involved being high because one would assume that the first two paragraphs were fever dreams created in some weed cloud insanity. For our Daily Discussion Topic, we looked at getting high and losing yourself to the music. This was brought on by Angi who is used to being in a hibernation hole and further being pushed toward one currently due to the ungodly state of the weather. She got high the other day and turned on the Radiohead masterpiece OK Computer. Her deep dive sets in with the musical edging equivalent "Paranoid Android" which takes you to the point, dips, rinse repeat until it explodes into noise. Obviously, the rest of the week is looking to be gray and golden showers so indulging in music and forgetting everything else seems to be the proper move for the day. With this stated, Angi needed to know about the best album to listen to while high. Marris said Garry Clark Jr.'s Blak and Blu is his go to. For Prison Tattoo, it's Sound & Color by Alabama Shakes. HP got all deep in her mind with Cage the Elephant's Cage the Elephant album. As for myself, I would have to go with Underworld's Anthology: 1992 to 2012, which is just such a dancey, noisey, sonic body moving masterpiece. Our choices are in the jukebox, so let's see what the roadies had to add on the Request Line. Hannah said The Chronic by Dr. Dre and that is absolutely fitting for a first out the gate. Angi used to get high and listen to it on the way to work, college and drug muling (wait....) Steve said anything live by The Grateful Dead though he was too young to travel around and be a Deadhead. Angi suggested he go follow around Dave Matthews Band (or honestly Phish,) as they have taken up the travel around band mantle. John said Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here. Head Roadie Keith picked Darkside of the Moon, another Pink Floyd classic (and the first album I ever listened to while getting stoned.) Angi's first time getting high was also to Pink Floyd and she proceeded to see The Wall at Laser Floyd. Gary got Ænima from Tool. Uber Brad picked Paranoid by Black Sabbath. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.

Finally, actress Angie Harmon had a pretty crappy Easter after her Instacart delivery guy shot and killed her dog. The story goes that he delivered her food and then shot the dog claiming it had attacked him. This act of self defense already screams odd because there were no bite marks, scratches or torn clothing but his story also can not be corroborated because the security cameras for the house were charging when it happened. Apparently, according to Angie he knew they were charging so that's why he knew he could get away with killing the dog (yes, this story is as weird and nuts as it sounds.) Angi added that at Floptopia, she has the security cameras positioned to show that they are there and there are signs for them as well. There are definitely times where they charge and or malfunction but again, how would the Instacart guy know this was the case. Further adding insanity to this already wrinkled story was the point that the guy went up to Angie and said "Yeah, I shot your dog, yeah I did." Instacart ended up suspending the driver but there may be no charges because it's a case of he said/she said without any evidence to back either. This whole ordeal took Angi for a trip down memory lane when she was a kid and her grandparents ran a retirement home. They had a whore German Shepard named Gypsy that was birthing puppies at night and was howling and screaming due to the pain of birth. The neighbor came over and proceeded to shoot her for making noise (sidenote: what the F is wrong with people.) We ended with a point and some questions. 1) Leave the dog alone unless you're literally being mauled by it. 2) Do all Instacart drivers pack heat? 3) Uber allows you to say you won't go to certain places at certain times, can't Instacart have a thing about not delivering to a place where a dog is in range and can attack you?

Request Wars 3.5

Theme: Stoner Song Battle

Current Champion: Angi (1x)

Angi's Song Choice: “(Rock) Superstar" by Cypress Hill

Marris' Song Choice: "Love Song" by 311

Winner: Angi

10 O' Clock Toast:

Toastee: Santiago

Angi's 8 year old godson gets the toast today because he went to the Bulls game last night with Jay the Straight and asked a million questions like "how much did their car cost?" "70 dollars" and "Did they pay for it with Tia Angi's job where she speaks into the speakers?" He also got a pic with Big Ben, who you will recall two weeks ago blew off Angi for a 10 year old that she almost tossed on the floor.

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"Cows are the dogs of the farm world." - Angi

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