THE YEAR THE ESPYS DIDN'T SUCK


Tonight is when ESPN annually and obviously exposes itself as the bloated, self-aggrandizing pile of steaming horse manure it’s become.

That’s right, it’s the ESPYs. (Like you had to be told.)

Tracy Morgan hosts. He has the potential to be risqué, but I bet he sells out. Megan Rapinoe and the World Cup-winning U.S. women’s soccer team will indulge political rhetoric and barely mention the tournament they won. Bob Ley, a true icon who is retiring, will be honored (and doubtless secretly embarrassed to be part of the ESPYs). We will see numerous replays of speeches made by people who are now dead.

But I won’t know because I won’t watch.

Only once were the ESPYs watchable. That was thanks to one man, Norm Macdonald, who hosted in 1998.

Norm told an OJ Simpson joke. He made fun of the athletes, and of sports. Norm eviscerated, and the jocks were none too pleased.

ESPN should be burned to the ground, and a statue of Norm Macdonald immediately erected upon the smoldering ashes. He is a hero. (I honor him here by spelling his name properly: No capital "D".) 

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