America was shaken by the recent news that Diet Rite Pure Zero Cherry Cola (0 calories, 0 caffeine, 0 sodium)has been discontinued.

I became further upset/angered when I was informed that no stray sleeves, bottles or cans appear to be available anywhere. Even the local warehouse is empty.

WTF? How could something like this happen? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN? Difficult to find is one thing. I never imagined extinction.

So, I’m putting out an APB: If you’ve seen any Diet Rite Pure Zero Cherry Cola, in any quantity large or small, email me (SuperGenius@wxdx.com) or tweet me (@MarkMaddenX).

This is not a drill. This is code red.

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