Mark Madden

Mark Madden

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HE ISN'T EATING ACTUAL HOT DOGS


Below is an excerpt from my most recent TribLIVE.com column. Click HERE to see all of it. 

The basic gist: Hot dog-eating champ Joey Chestnut ISN’T EATING ACTUAL HOT DOGS. He’s eating the components of hot dogs. Chestnut is a phony and a fraud, a stooge and a sellout, and the contest is a sham. 

Leave the hot dogs intact. Top them with mustard, onions and/or relish like God intended. EAT ACTUAL HOT DOGS. 

Joey Chestnut set a “world record” by eating 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes at the annual Nathan’s hot dog-eating contest Sunday. If only a camera had been present to capture the acts of gluttony I’ve performed in over 60 years. That’s all competitive eating is: Gluttony. Nothing but.

Becky Hammon is an assistant coach with the San Antonio Spurs. Those who believe every decision should be made based on a societal campaign are mad because she hasn’t yet filled a head-coaching vacancy in the NBA. Give it time. She will. The real outrage against women occurred when the men’s hot dog-eating contest was on ESPN, but the women’s competition was on ESPN3, whatever that is. Women deserve an equal platform to be revolting pigs.

I feel eminently qualified to judge overeating. Disassembling a hot dog and soaking the bread in water violates the spirit of a hot dog-eating contest. You’re not actually eating a “hot dog.” There should be a “real” hot dog-eating contest where contestants have to eat actual hot dogs, not torn apart, each garnished with two condiments. That would crown a legit champ.

Thumbnail via Getty Images


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