LOCK UP YOUR MOTHERS

Aaron Rodgers hurt his Achilles. He’s out for the year. It took just four snaps.

It’s a shame. But when you get a 39-year-0ld quarterback, old-man things can happen. It’s nothing a little ayahuasca won’t help. The injury likely occurred because Rodgers is unvaccinated.

But now, panicky New York Jets fans are bellowing, “THIS IS A TEAM DESIGNED TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL! WHO’S GONNA PLAY QUARTERBACK!” 

What do Jets fans know about a team designed to win the Super Bowl? You haven’t seen that since 1969 and Beaver Falls Joe, b/k/a Broadway Joe Namath. 

Anyway, Zach Wilson is going to play quarterback. 

Wilson was the No. 2 pick overall in the 2021 draft. He’s got the tools. He played OK when the Jets beat Buffalo in OT Monday night. (Mostly, Buffalo QB Josh Allen played a lot worse. He threw three interceptions and lost a fumble.) 

ESPN’s lunatic fringe suggests a trade for the Los Angeles Rams’ Matt Stafford.

Stafford is 35. His cap hit is $20 million. 

Yeah, the Jets should pile old and expensive on top of old and expensive. Stafford can learn the Jets’ offense overnight. No problem. 

Tom Brady won’t come out of retirement. Nor will Ben Roethlisberger, or Philip Rivers. (I wish one of the Manning brothers would. That would kill that God-awful ManningCast on Monday nights. NOT FUNNY.) 

The Jets weren’t going to win the Super Bowl anyway. Failure is in their DNA. 

Make the best of it with the Boy Toy. He might surprise. Lock up your mothers.

The only other potential savior: Mason Rudolph, obviously.